Visting Hours
by allhailthehutch
Summary: Peeta is visited by some special friends in the hospital that help him remember why he loved Katniss Everdeen...


I know she's watching me. I can feel her eyes piercing into my soul. They won't let her in here. The precious Mockingjay can't be around crazy people like me.

She was almost dead. I almost got rid of her for good, but they stopped me. The light was beginning to leave her eyes and the deed was almost done, but her security knocked me to the ground before I could finish. She can't be trusted! I don't know why they don't believe me. Katniss Everdeen is a filthy mutt, and she can't fool me any more. She's a disgusting, no good liar.

My wrists burn from how hard I pull on my restraints. I screamed for two solid hours this morning. It took them awhile to finally sedate me. My throat feels scratchy and nothing seems to soothe it.

I wish they would let me walk around a bit, but apparently I'm a danger to myself and to others.

No, I'm a danger to Katniss.

I can't even look at her without wanting to vomit. She's a liar, and I hate her. How could I have believed she ever cared about me?

I've been here a week now. It feels longer but I spend the majority of my days in a dreamlike state.

The door to my room opens, and I see my former mentor looking at me with narrowed eyes.

"Haymitch," I say his name slowly, still unsure of my feelings about him. Can I even trust him? "How wonderful to see you again." There is no way he can miss the sarcastic tone of my voice.

He pulls up a chair and sits next to me. "Do you understand what's happening right now, Peeta?"

"I'm mentally unstable," I laugh to myself at how ridiculous this whole situation is. I've always been the reasonable one. Growing up with an abusive mother taught me how to hide what I was really feeling. No one ever knew what was going on inside of me unless she decided to leave a mark on my face. Now I can't hide my emotions. I'm an open book and everyone is judging me. If only my mother could see me now. She would laugh at how I've fallen and what I've become. Weak. Pathetic. A waste of space. "I'm feeling better so I don't think the restraints are all that necessary."

"I take it you don't remember banging yourself into the wall repeatedly after your team of doctors mentioned Katniss?"

My left shoulder aches a bit when he mentions that. "I don't even remember eating breakfast this morning." My eyes narrow suspiciously. "Did you even feed me? I wouldn't be surprised if she was telling you to starve me to death."

"Peeta," he sighs, and looks defeated. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you."

I want to reply back with a smartass comment, but it doesn't seem necessary. His eyes show me that he's carrying tremendous guilt.

We sit in an uncomfortable silence for what feels like hours. How do I even respond to him? I'm angry with him, but for reasons I'm not sure are valid.

"It wasn't the beatings that hurt me or the men in white masks telling me how worthless I was because that was my childhood." I pull at the restraints again, laughing bitterly. "They made me realize I was nothing but an expendable piece in yours and Katniss' game." I was the stupid, lovesick boy that let himself believe someone could actually care about me."

Haymitch's morose expression changes;he almost looks despondent. "You don't really believe that, Peeta."

"It's the truth," I say with a heavy shrug. "She was your favorite."

"She needed me more. She wasn't as strong as you."

I look into his eyes and try to find some hint of betrayal, but he's being honest. "She tried to kill me. I saw the footage from the Games." My mother always found unique ways to punish me. Sometimes she would lock me in the closet or beat with a wooden spoon till it broke. She was never satisfied with me. I can clearly remember the look on Katniss' face when the nest fell. It was the same look my mother would give me after a beating. She looked pleased with herself. I'll never forget that.

"Look, I know it's hard to believe what I'm telling you, but the Capitol lied to you." I've heard from the nurses that Haymitch has been sober since arriving. I think I could grow to like him, but right now I wish he would leave me alone.

"I didn't think it was possible for me to hate anyone more than I hated my mother." My stomach churns when I picture my dead family; all because of her. "I think you should go now."

Haymitch slowly stands from the metal chair and the scratching sound it makes hurts my head. "Katniss isn't perfect, but she's not your mother."

"They both pretended to love me when really all they wanted was for me to die." I say softly.

"She loves you in her own way, Peeta." I dig my nails into my palms to keep myself grounded. I can't black out again. I'm not weak.

The soft buzzing in my ears begins to get louder; it happens when I get agitated. A signal that I'm on the verge of a breakdown. "Haymitch," I say with a warning tone. "If you care about me at all, you would get the hell out of here."

He says nothing more but turns and walks toward the door. I see him hesitate for a moment before he finally steps out of the room.

My eyes feel heavy. I think I'll just sleep.

Time passes, and I'm making progress. Well, that's what they tell me. I still don't feel right. I lose track of time a lot. Sometimes I just stand in the same spot for hours and stare at the wall. I try to remember when the blank space could be a canvas, but now all I can see are the cracks forming in the paint.

My memories are all twisted. I can't determine the truth from the Capitol's lies. Haymitch stops in to help fill in the missing pieces. I still proceed carefully when it comes to my former mentor, but I'm starting to warm up to him. It's a slow process, but I think that's fine for us for the time being.

"Peeta," Prim's tiny, hesitant voice brings me out of my hazy fog. "How are you feeling today?"

"I'm tired."

She rests her hand on my forearm and leads me back to my bed. "They had to give you a pretty heavy sedative yesterday." I climb into bed and lay my head down on the soft pillow. "Do you remember that?" She asks softly.

"Did I hurt someone?" The idea of being a danger to the people around me is terrifying. I don't want anyone to be in jeopardy or feel uncomfortable because of me.

"No, they just started talking to you about Katniss, and then you sorta went crazy."

My hands begin to shake at the mention of her name. My reactions are far less violent now, but I'm still not ready to face her without supervision. "Sometimes I still have this feeling inside of me that hates her."

Prim reaches for my hand. "I hate that they did this to you." Tears begin to well up in her eyes. "You're the only one who can help her." She blurts out suddenly.

"Katniss doesn't need me to help her."

"Peeta, she was lost without you," Prim says with a shaky voice. "My sister loves you, and I know it. I wish I could help you see that they lied to you. You two are stronger when you are united. President Snow tortured you because together you and Katniss can defeat him."

I want to tell her that she's wrong, but I don't have the heart to crush her dreams. Prim should believe in something as great as she is. I may have conflicting emotions about her sister, but Prim's a good person. That's something I can see clearly. "I wish I could see the good in the world like you."

"Please don't give up on her," Prim begs through her tears. "I know your brain is telling you differently, but listen to your heart."

"Did she really miss me?" I ask with a hint of hopefulness in my voice.

Prim nods with a kind smile. "Katniss isn't much for words, but I know my sister." The tiny blonde gently squeezes my hand. "I could hear her mumbling your name in her sleep."

I try and take Prim's advice about listening to my heart and I'm struck with a profound memory of my childhood that contradicts what I had thought about Katniss upon my initial arrival to Thriteen.

"I use to think about Katniss' voice when my mother would hit me," I admit softly. "It was the only way I could disassociate from what was happening to me. The sob I didn't even realize I was holding back escapes my lips. "Why did they have to ruin the one good thing in my life?" It's odd how my mind works now. I can go from hating Katniss to remembering why I always cared about her in a short amount of time.

Prim's bottom lip trembles, but she fights back her own tears to comfort me. She's young, but her strength is undeniable. "It's not ruined Peeta," she says with a hint of a smile. "You're here, and that's what matters. I know you can fight this."

"I'm never going to be the same," I remind her. "My future and all my hopes and dreams have changed."

"So change them back," Prim squeezes my shaky hand gently. "You can have everything and more, but you can't give up on your recovery."

It's the first time in ages that I've felt hopeful. Maybe I can tread through the darkest parts of my mind and rediscover myself. "Will you help me?"

"I'm here for you, Peeta." Prim's confident smile and compassionate eyes gives me hope that there is virtue in this world. She's been through hell in her short life, but her heart has remained pure. I admire her ability to see the good in people when they probably don't deserve it.

I hope I don't disappoint her.

Some days I wake up, and my mind is clearer than the ocean in District Four. But other days, I can barely remember my last name. My team of doctors try to identify some type of pattern with my behavior, but it remains unpredictable. I'm a ticking time bomb ready to detonate at any moment.

The common factor in my severe mood swings is Katniss. She makes me feel so many different emotions at one time that my brain can't process what's happening. I usually shut down and go into a catatonic state for hours.

"Kid, you look good," Haymitch pats me on the back with a surprised smile. He hasn't been back to visit me for a while now. "Plutarch's kept me up to date on your progress, but I needed to see it first hand to truly believe it."

I snort out a laugh. "I don't have to wear restraints anymore." I lift my hands up to show him that I'm shackle free. "They also let me use silverware for the first time."

"She wants to ask about you." Haymitch scratches the back of his neck. "I can see that it's eating her alive, but she's still upset about what you said to her."

"I didn't mean it," I tell him as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "She's still a mystery to me, but I don't… I still think she's pretty." I say softly with a hint of a smile.

Haymitch laughs with a shake of the head as if I've said something he finds funny. "Peeta, I can't put into words how much I've missed you."

I'm baffled by the sincerity in his voice. We've always had a mutual understanding, but I never considered us close. He was the only other person besides Katniss that knew what it felt like to live through the Games.

We're survivors, and we have to stick together.

"I had this dream last night." I sit up straighter in my bed. "Since I was brought here, I haven't had a single nightmare or dream… nothing; it's been darkness." Haymitch nods, indicating it's okay that I continue. "I was with Katniss back in Twelve, and we were in my parents' bakery. She wanted to learn to make cheese buns, and I was showing her how."

"That sounds like a nice dream." He's not being sarcastic. If this was six months ago, he would laugh at how hopelessly in love I am - was, but now he seems glad to hear it.

"I miss the bakery a lot."

Haymitch smiles wide and I look at him in confusion. I don't think I'll ever fully get use to this new man. "Peeta, I have a job for you." He says.

It feels good to create beautiful things again. I don't even notice guards as I carefully decorate the cake. When Haymitch asked me to help with Finnick's and Annie's wedding cake, there was no way I could refuse.

I was worried at first that I wouldn't be able to do it, but the second the blue colored bag of frosting was put in my hands, I remembered that I could do this. My hands aren't even shaking as I delicately design a cake perfect enough for the happy couple.

I don't think Katniss would care for something so elaborate. I know she likes desserts, but the fancy artwork doesn't impress her. It's the texture of the cake, the sugar in the frosting, all the parts that make up the treat that keeps Katniss coming back.

It has to leave a lasting impression for Katniss to take notice.

My thoughts wander back to my dark, cold cell in the Capitol as I carefully design the intricate patterns on the wedding cake. It doesn't matter how hard I try to push the memories away, they always creep back up in the back of my mind.

I close my eyes for a moment and imagine the damage they could have inflicted. Prim reminds me on a daily basis that I'm lucky. It use to anger me, but I can see where she is coming from now. I'm alive. I've been given a second chance and I don't plan on wasting it.

When I was being held prisoner the Capitol could have left me disfigured. I've lost one leg already. What are a couple more limbs to make a statement? That would have been the easy solution, but they needed something more. How could they completely destroy Katniss?

Take away the parts of myself that Katniss didn't realize she appreciates. It's the heart, mind, and soul that matters to Katniss, and the Captiol took all of that from me. I look like the old Peeta now, but if you peel away the layers of pain, I'm an empty vessel.

Slowly, I heal and remember who I once was. But I'll never be whole again. I'm damaged beyond repair. Prim would frown at me for thinking that, but it's the truth and I can't have any more lies in my life.

Designing and frosting this cake makes me feel normal again. I'm tapping into parts of my brain that I figured were gone forever. The steadiness in my hands and confidence of my work brings a smile to my face. Maybe the old Peeta isn't that far away after all.

I don't know how much longer I'll be in the hospital. Maybe my entire life. I can't hurt Katniss again. The terror and fear in her eyes when my hands were wrapped around her throat haunts me. My doctors tell me it wasn't my fault, but I'll never forgive myself for nearly killing her.

I set down the bag of frosting and admire my work of art. Time went by fast as my thoughts wandered to Katniss. I use to think about her all the time in the bakery, but the thoughts were lighter and happy. Now I just see a distorted image of a girl I may or may not want to kill.

A smile spreads across my lips. The cake is perfect. The shades of blue remind me of the ocean. I'm really glad Annie found her love again. She's deserves a lifetime of happiness.

Maybe I'll find that happiness some day in the future.

_The war is over…_

Months in the hospital and I'm back again. It's different this time. My body is covered in scars from the burns. I look down at my hand and still see her teeth marks. The fear in my stomach when she tried…

I couldn't imagine this life without her.

I can never let Katniss Everdeen go. Our lives have been intertwined since the day I gave her the burnt bread. She's part of me, and I'm part of her. Crazy belongs with crazy, I guess.

My heart shatters when I see Annie step through the door of my hospital room. I haven't been able to face her since… well, since Finnick died.

"Annie," I swallow the lump in my throat as she sits on the edge of my bed. "I'm sorry I haven't been around. My burns needed to heal."

She smiles in spite of her heartbreak. "I thought I saw Finnick today…"

I feel the tears welling up, but I fight them. "Finnick was really brave." I reach for her hand with a comforting smile. "He was one of the best people I've ever known."

Annie nods tearfully. She doesn't deserve to be alone in this world. I should have died instead.

"Are you going to marry Katniss?"Her question takes me by surprise, but Annie is different than most people.

"I hope we can at least be friends." I answer.

"Do you love her?"

I run my finger along the indentation from Katniss' teeth. "The idea of a world without her is the worst pain imaginable."

"Marry her," she tells me firmly. "I wish I had more time with him." Annie looks away from me for a few moments. I'm sure she's picturing Finnick's face. "You've been given a second chance at life, and I want you to make the best of it."

"What if she doesn't want me?"

Annie laughs softly. "Peeta Mellark, you really don't see it, do you?" I blink a few times, trying to understand what she means. "Katniss has loved you for a very long time. We could all see it. The only people who couldn't were you and Katniss."

"She loves me," I say it slowly, tasting the words on my tongue. "Katniss loves me?" I'm still unsure of the truth behind it.

Annie stands from her spot at the end of the bed with a huff. "I thought you were smart, Peeta." She walks to the door, muttering under her breath words I can't quite make out.

I never believed I was worthy of love. My own mother didn't want me. I was the child who shouldn't have been born. My entire life I was made to feel insignificant and worthless. Katniss told me she needed me that night during the Quell while we were sitting on the beach. I felt that she only said it because I was willing to die for her.

"Annie," she looks back over her shoulder with a curious expression."I'm always here if you need a friend."

"I know."

And then she's gone.

The words of the men who tortured me have long since faded away. I don't hear their abusive remarks of how the world is better off without me. I don't hear my mother telling me that I've failed her.

I hear only one voice. The voice of the woman who I would still die for. She's telling me that she needs me.

I think I believe that now.


End file.
